Kenny: New and improved
by TimorJim9
Summary: When Kenny dies once again after winning the lottery, he gets to heaven finding out its his 1 millionth death! Because of this, he is allowed to come back to life. And gets a few extra powers too. Soon Kenny's life takes a turn for the better...or worse
1. 77 MILLION DOLLARS!

**I don't own South Park.**

Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny where running down the street.

"C'mon we have to keep moving." Cartman said. They ran into a store with the neon words that said lotto in the window. The 4 boys walked in and saw the store was filled with people.

"What the," Stan began.

"What the hell are this many people doing at the same store?" Kenny muffled.

"There hasn't been a big last minute rush like this since I was in 1st grade." Cartman said.

"You've done this before?" Kenny muffled.

"Duh, that's why I called you guys over here." Cartman snapped.

"Do really think this is gonna to work?" Kyle asked.

"Listen you goddamn Jew, I wouldn't've called you here unless I knew it worked!" Cartman snapped. "Now take your I.D. cards."

Cartman handed the I.D.s to them.

"Cartman, these I.D.s are made of construction paper." Stan said.

"And?"

"Cartman _real_ I.D. cards are made of plastic."

"And your point is?"

"You're a dumbass Cartman." Kyle said.

"Listen you guys, the guy who gives the lotto tickets is drunk every time I play the lottery." Cartman whispered.

"How many times have you actually played the lottery?" Stan asked.

"I lost track after 60 times. But the point is, it works."

"How?" Kenny muffled.

"We just tell him we're midgets."

"This isn't gonna work." Kyle said.

"Then go home Kyle." Cartman said.

"No, I wanna stay and see your plan fail!"

30minutes later…Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny got up to the counter. Something gleamed and caught Kenny's eye. A penny. A lucky penny. He picked it up and put it in his pocket. Cartman paid for the tickets. And gave them the I.D. cards to verify. After filling out the tickets, they listened to the T.V. in the store.

"And now the winning Mega Million numbers," the guy on T.V. said. "17-18-49-38-90 and for the jackpot, 4."

"Oh my God!" Kenny muffled. "I won the freakin' lottery!"

"What? Really?" Stan asked.

"Yeah really!" Kenny muffled.

"Wow! You're a real lucky son of a bitch." Kyle said.

"What? How is that freakin' possible?" Cartman said.

"It's the lottery fatso." Kyle sneered.

"Congratulations," the drunken guy at the counter said. "You just won 77 million dollars!"

"77 MILLION DOLLARS??" The 4 boys repeated.

"You mean…Kenny's rich now?" Cartman asked.

"Hell yeah!" Kenny muffled.

"Cash that ticket in dude!" Stan said.

"Wait, I need to get my parents!" Kenny muffled.

"Well run Kenny," Kyle said. "Don't stop till you get to your parents!"

Kenny ran out of the store and straight home and Kyle, Stan, and Cartman followed him.

"I've got a golden ticket." Kenny sang with his voice muffled by his jacket. "I've got a golden twinkle in my eye!" Kenny slid across the hood of a car. The car stopped.

"Hey you crazy kids!" the guy in the car yelled furiously. "I better not see you again!"

Kenny got to his parents who were walking across the train tracks to Kenny.

"Mom, Dad!" Kenny said. "I won the lottery!"

"You won the lottery?" Kenny's mom asked.

"It's true," Stan said. "Kenny won 77 million dollars."

"77 MILLION DOLLARS?!" Kenny's mom and dad screamed.

"Yeah!" Kenny said. "I'm rich now! Like Token!"

"Hey dude, can I borrow 20 for a new jacket?" Stan asked.

"Sure." But then Kenny thought about it. "No way man!"

"Why not Kenny?" Stan asked.

"Yeah, what have we ever done to you?" Cartman asked.

_**Flashback**_

Many nights ago…The 4 of them were sitting around a campfire.

"You guys, listen to this song I just wrote. It's called 'I hate you guys.'" Cartman said. He blew into his harmonica. "I hate you guys." He began to sing. He blew into his harmonica. "You guys are assholes." He blew into his harmonica again. "Especially Kenny." He blew into his harmonica. "I hate him the most."

Later that night…

"Hey Kenny can I borrow one of your gloves?" Cartman asked as he took a dump in the clearing.

"Sure dude." Kenny muffled. He took off his glove and took a few steps towards him, then realized what he was going use it for. "Fuck no!"

After they saw the new Terrance & Phillip movie, they went to the lake to tell everyone else about it…

"We have got to see this movie dude." Craig said.

The kids ran to the theater except Cartman and Kenny.

"I hate you Kenny." Cartman said.

When Kyle was in the hospital because and kidney problem…

"Kenny, if a friend died…I don't know what I'd do." Stan cried

Kenny just glared.

Later that episode…

"I've done all I can Kenny, but nothing working. He's dying." Stan cried.

"You never cared when I died." Kenny muffled.

"My friend is going to die. Kyle's gonna die and there's nothing I can do about it."

As Stan broke into tears, Kenny broke into rage and cursed Stan out.  
"Screw you guys, I'm going home." Kenny muffled.

Right after they saw the Terrance and Phillip movie…

"I bet you 100 you can't let a fart on fire." Cartman said.

"Okay." Kenny muffled.

He took out a match and lit it. Then he farted and laughed as it he felt the heat of the flame. But he soon cried out in pain once he was engulfed in the flame of his own fart. He began to run with Cartman behind him with a stick hitting him, trying to put the fire out as he repeated "Ah shit" over and over again.

"Somebody do something." Stan said.

Cartman stopped chasing Kenny and exclaimed, "The stick is on fire!" An ambulance had come out for Kenny, as he ran to it, a salt truck pushed it out the way and unloaded the truck, smothering Kenny in salt.

"Oh my god!" Stan exclaimed. "They killed Kenny!"

"You bastard!" Kyle said.

"Wow I guess you really can light a fart on fire huh." Cartman said.

Later in the emergency room…

As Cartman, Kyle, and Stan looked down at the dead body of Kenny, Cartman said, "I bet him he couldn't do it. I bet him 100."

"Oh, Cartman, it wasn't your fault." Kyle said.

"No I'm just stoked I don't have to pay him."

"Oh real nice, he was your friend you fat fuck!"

_**End of Flashbacks**_

"Well if you look at all those events in the flashback of course we look like he hate you!" Cartman said.

"But they don't make sense." Stan said. "If you died in a salt accident, how are you still alive now?"

Kenny looked from left to right suspiciously.

"Th-that doesn't matter. You're not getting any money from me!" Kenny snapped.

"Yeah let's cash this ticket in already." Kenny's dad said.

"Yeah." Kenny said. Then he looked down at the street and saw a penny. He checked his pockets and saw his penny was gone, so he went into the street to the new penny.

"Kenny watch out!" Kenny's parents, Stan, Kyle and Cartman said. The next thing they knew, the same guy from before hit Kenny with his car. Kenny flew a few feet through the air and landed hard on his back.

"Oh my God," Stan said. "He ki-" Kenny stood up on his feet. "Oh. Never mind." The driver rolled down his window.

"You goddamn hooligans!" the driver yelled. "I told you to get away from my car!" He pulled out a gun.

"Holy shit!" Kenny screamed.

"No!" Stan and Cartman yelled.

"Don't do it!" Kenny's parents and Kyle begged.

But it didn't matter what they said. The driver shot Kenny 4 times. Kenny laid on the road motionless.

"Oh my God! He killed Kenny!" Stan yelled.

"You bastard!" Kyle and Kenny's mom yelled. The driver got back in his car and drove a few feet away when lightning stuck the car an exploded.

"Wait how is that possible?" Stan asked.

"Yeah, there isn't a cloud in the sky." Kyle said.

"How could you 2 care about the weather at a time like this?" Kenny's mom cried. She fell to her knees. "Poor Kenny is dead! My baby is dead!" She put her head on his body and sobbed hysterically.

"Kenny?" Kyle asked with his eyes beginning to water.

"Kenny…" Kenny's dad sniffled. "I can't believe you'd go like this…" He cried and cried.

Kenny's mom cried, then she took the lottery ticket, and put it in Kenny's pocket. She kissed his forehead, and then noticed something.

"Wait a minute." She said. "He's gotta pulse! Kenny's alive, for the moment anyway."

"That god!" Cartman said.

"But you know what they say," Kyle whispered to Stan. "3 strikes you're out."

"Dude don't be so gloomy." Stan whispered back. "You keep thinking like that and you'll jinx it."

Several minutes later…Kenny wakes up in the hospital bed surrounded by Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and his parents. He was connected to a machine that kept his pulse, and had a small bag of blood being put into his body after too much loss of blood. Kenny groaned.

"Oh god! He's awaking!" Kenny's dad declared.

"Kenny, the doctor says you'll make a full recovery." Kenny's mom said.

"Oh really?" Kenny asked.

"Yeah, and the guy at the store said you still have a few days to claim the money, and you'll be here in for half a week so…" Kyle said.

"I can still be rich!" Kenny said.

"I guess this is adventure is pretty short." Stan said.

"Yeah." Kenny agreed. "And I didn't die!"

Kenny cheered, but accidentally pulled on the wire connecting him to the machine that kept his pulse. The outlet was extremely sensitive, and came out. Sparks flew everywhere. Kenny was electrocuted, and screamed in pain. He accidentally pulled again, which pulled the machine that kept his pulse. That machine was big. It completely flattened Kenny, and then the blood bag fell onto it and blew Kenny up. All that was left was a broken machine with a cracking flame inside it.

"Oh my god!" Stan yelled. "They killed Kenny!"

"You bastard." Kyle cursed. The lottery ticket was still amazingly intact. It floated down and Cartman grabbed it.

"Ha!" he cheered. "I'm a millionaire!"

"Cartman what the hell?!" Stan screamed.

"That's Kenny's ticket give it back!" Kenny's dad demanded. Cartman punched Kenny's dad in the balls. As Kenny's dad fell down clutching his nuts, Cartman said, "Screw you guys, I'm a millionaire." He ran out. Stan ran after him.

"Don't worry, we'll get that ticket back." Kyle reassured. He ran after him. Cartman ran to a weird store.

"Hmm. The Indian Burial Ground Pet Store." Cartman read the sign. He ran inside. Stan and Kyle saw the door close.

"Goddamnit!" Kyle cursed. "Didn't we tell this guy to rebuild his store somewhere else?"

"Look let's just get the ticket back." Stan said.

Cartman looked around for a place to hide. Then he ran up to a door that said, Employees Only. The worker came from behind the desk.

"I'm sorry, you can't go in there." He said.

"Just watch me." Cartman said. He opened door and saw a big white portal. He jumped in.

Meanwhile, Kenny was climbing the golden stairs to heaven. He got up to the golden gates of heaven. He pushed the verification button, and it said, "Access approved. Welcome Kenny McCormick." The gates opened, and then all the angels cheered. Balloons fell from the upper clouds. Then everyone cheered, "Happy 1Millionth death!" Kenny looked so pissed and yelled, "How is that a good thing?"

**Great beginning right? Well done for now, but I'll continue it real soon. Please review!**


	2. Welcome to Park South!

"Kenny, Kenny, Kenny." An Angel shushed him. "Calm down."

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down you asshole!" Kenny yelled. "I've died so many goddamn times, and now you throw a fucking party at my 1millonth death?!"

Kenny looked up and saw a halo hover over his head, and scowled.

"Kenny, only 20 people every millennia has the ability like you." Another Angel said. "Instant reincarnation, and the ability to make everyone forget that you died. It's just that not everyone dies a million times. In all of history, there were only 3 other people that died a million times; Black Beard, Michael Jackson, and 50 Cent."

Kenny folded his arms and looked around.

"I want to see God!" he said.

"I'm already here." A voice said behind him. It was God. "I'm sorry that I've upset you, my son."

"God, I'm getting tired of dying." Kenny protested.

"Hey so was Jesus but you don't hear him complaining!" The angel that greeted Kenny said.

"SILENCE!!!!" God boomed. Thunder clapped. The angel looked to the ground/clouds. "If you didn't want to die anymore and be brought back to life, I will grant you that wish. But remember all the good adventures you had-"

"Yeah," Kenny interrupted. "Then died halfway through! I'm tired of that God! Why do you want me to die so badly?"

God sighed. "You'll thank me one day. Without dying that much, you would've never gotten to your 1millionth death."

"Yeah, I wouldn't gotten this crappy party!" Kenny snapped.

"Kenny!" an angel said. "How dare you curse in the presence of God!"

"It's alright." God said.

_This is boring!_ Kenny thought. _I wonder what the guys are doing…_

* * *

Cartman ran out alternate pet store, and ran into the alternate South Park, which was called Park South. Out of breath Cartman stopped for a second and looked around. Park South was a ghost town, tumbleweeds and all.

"Where the fuck is everybody?" Cartman asked. Then he looked at the posters stuck up on the walls and stores. "No, fucking, way…ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!! They did it! Those idiots actually pulled it off! Oh, now those lucky sons of bitches."

"CARTMAAAAN!!!!!" a voice wailed. It was Kyle. He was with Stan, and both looked pretty pissed. "You fucking son of a bitch!!"

"How the hell can you take Kenny's lottery ticket?!!" Stan yelled.

"Yeah, you might've not thought of Kenny as a friend, but we did. So, FUCKING GIVE BACK THAT DAMN TICKET!!!!!!!!" Kyle roared.

"Chill, you guys." Cartman said backing up against the wall as Kyle and Stan walked close to him. Clenched fists, death stares, man…these guys were really pissed! "Wait, wait, wait…how do you know Kenny wanted it this way? Did you ever stop to consider?" Stan and Kyle shared questioning glances. "Y-y-yeah! I bet Kenny's up in heaven, begging you 2 to let me have the ticket."

* * *

"YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!" Kenny screamed. "DON'T LISTEN TO CARTMAN!!!!!! WHY DO YOU CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO HIM NOW?!!!!!" He turned to God. "GOD!!!! Bring me back this one last time."

God folded his arms and closed his eyes. "Why should I? You said you didn't want to be brought back. I respect your wishes…"

"God! Please!" Kenny pleaded. God smiled. "Okay, but this will be your last resurrection. And a great evil will be out there to destroy you as well."

"I don't care. Just do it please!"

God smiled again. He clapped his hands twice and then showed them to Kenny. A great light shined from them. Kenny had to shield his eyes. Then when the light disappeared, God snapped his fingers. Kenny's halo disappeared, and the clouds beneath him disappeared too. As Kenny fell, God said, "Godspeed, Kenny." Then he laughed. "Heh, Godspeed." Kenny fell and fell, back to the hospital, into his body, or what was left. Kenny's parents were crying, and then they saw the monitor that crushed Kenny start to rumble. Kenny, completely intact, lifting the monitor over his head, and throwing it out the window.

"Kenny!" Kenny's mom said. "You're alive-" Kenny grabbed his mom's collar and brought her closer to his face.

"Where…is…Cartman?" He muffled.

"He ran to that Native American Pet store." She said. Kenny let go of his mother, and walked out.

Meanwhile in the parallel world, the Evil Cartman, Evil Kyle, and Evil Stan were around the Evil Kenny, who was dead in his bed.

"KENNY!!!!" Evil Kyle cried.

"We can't do the show without him." Evil Stan said.

"No, Kenny, no!!" Evil Cartman cried. "LIVE!!! PLEASE LIVE!!!" The Evil Kenny had been sent to hell. In hell, the Devil warned Evil Kenny that one of God's warriors had been revived and was headed to his world.

"Pft," The Evil Kenny muffled. Unlike Kenny, Evil Kenny wore a black sweater. "Why the hell should I care? He's just some angel that wants to share another fucking message about God."

"Kenny," the Devil said. "This warrior will obviously come out to destroy you."

"Pft." The Evil Kenny muffled. "Sounds like this warrior is a complete retard." In anger, the Devil grabbed the Evil Kenny and lifted him to his eye level.

"You don't fucking take anything serious do you?!! This person could defeat both me and you, asshole!!! So you better fucking get interested, bitch!!" The Devil roared. The Evil Kenny still really didn't care. "You're lucky I'm so forgiving." The Devil said letting him down. _No,_ Evil Kenny thought. _I'm lucky you're really, really gay._ "Listen Kenny, I entrust you with the Scythe of Souls." In a puff of red smoke, on the left of Evil Kenny. Evil Kenny smiled. As he grabbed it he muffled, "Now we're talking!"

"Now go my son!!!" The Devil commanded. Evil Kenny smiled as he began to rise to the world of the living. Around his friends, his body had become ashes (forcing Evil Cartman to hold the ashes in his hands and begin to weep.

"Oh well," Evil Stan said. "Easy come, easy go."

"I wonder if he had any fans?" Evil Kyle asked.

"Fuck no man. Like Kenny ever had fans."

"How could you guys say that?" Evil Cartman sobbed. "He was our friend." He was crying his eyes out. "Kenny…Kenny…"

"Aw shut up Cartman." Evil Kyle snapped. "Don't be such a little bitch.") But turned up in the middle of the Park South, where he saw the South Park boys fight over a lottery ticket.

"Would…Kenny actually want this?" Kyle wondered.

"Of course he wouldn't dude." Stan snapped. "Why would you even consider that?" They turned back to Cartman, who was gone. "Where the hell did he go?!" On a taxi riding by, Cartman yelled, "Screw you guys, I'm going to New York! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!"

"Goddamn you Cartman!!" Kyle yelled. Flyers flew in the air as Cartman rode away. "Madison Square Garden?"

"What do you-oh goddamnit not this again." Stan said slapping his forehead. The flyer was for Fingerbang, the boy band the South Park boys failed at, but apparently the Park South boys succeeded, and were world famous. They were doing a concert, tonight!

"Okay, okay, we just need to get to New York," Kyle said pacing. "That sounds simple enough, we've gone farther places."

"Dude…we just let Cartman get away with Kenny's ticket…" Stan said bluntly. He sat on the sidewalk. "We're the worst friends ever…I…I…I don't think I can live myself Kyle…I…I think I might be suicidal…" Kyle slapped him.

"Dude, get a hold of yourself!" He said as he grabbed Stan and started shook him. "We're gonna get to New York."

"How?"

"Easy…we just need a cab."

"I'll get you something better!" a voice cried. Stan, Kyle, and Evil Kenny looked at a manhole. Piss began to come out and pour itself in giant plastic bottles to form a train. Suddenly, a bottle full of pee started to walk up to them.

"What the hell is that?" Stan said bluntly. Evil Kenny put a hand on his head.

"No, no, no not that goddamn bottle of fucking gay piss." Evil Kenny muttered. "No, no, please not…"

"I'm Mr. Flush Flush, the Christmas Pee!" the bottle of piss cried. Stan and Kyle sighed deeply, knowing that this world seemed to be more retarded than usual.

"Its not Christmas." Stan said.

"Yeah, but I can get you a ride to New York." Mr. Flush Flush said. "Hop aboard the Pee Pee Train!" As the boys followed the Christmas Pee onto the train they both thought that this was way too familiar. "But this train runs on the Pee Pee Train song. Do you know it?"

"We remember something like it." Kyle said irritably.

Mr. Flush Flush pulled on a lever and then whistle blew sounding like, "Pee Pee!"

Mr. Flush Flush began the song, "Pee Pee train laying down its tracks with a," The whistle blew, 'Pee Pee!' "All the way and back!"

Then Stan and Kyle reluctantly sang, "Pee Pee Train, is my favorite thing, spreading Christmas joy as we ride and sing!"

Kenny heard this and started to run. But as he took the first step he thought, _How can I hear that song from South-I mean Park South all the way out here? _If Kenny thought that was weird, things were about to get weirder. When he took that first step, things went by him so fast, and the next thing he knew, he was in Park South watching the Pee Pee Train ride away into the night.

"Whoa," he said. Then he heard Mr. Flush Flush sing, "Christmas time wouldn't be the same, without hugs, and kisses, and a Pee Pee Train!" Kenny yelled, "You fucking assholes! You didn't even fucking wait for me!"

Evil Kenny walked out of the darkness. "Why me God?" Kenny cried. "Why not someone else?" He fell to his knees, and Evil Kenny smiled.

"So…its you…" he said. Kenny turned around. "You're God's warrior. Good, cause I'm Satan's warrior. Get ready bitch." He took out the Scythe of Souls, and slashed the air towards Kenny. The road cracked horribly. The pieces of cracked road floated in mid-air. A red-hot flat land was revealed underneath. Kenny knew that none of this was natural (duh!). The ground ripped apart at his feet. He tried to run away, but when he turned around, Evil Kenny was behind him. With one little poke, Evil Kenny sent Kenny flying into the red-hot road. As Kenny fell, Evil Kenny warped next to him, and tried to slice him with the scythe. It hits Kenny's leg, and then stops. A white light came of Kenny's leg wafting over Kenny like it was smoke on the wind. Black smoke from the scythe began to waft over Evil Kenny. They were just in mid-air, and then there was a small explosion in the middle of the of them, pushing them both away from each other. But Evil Kenny, warped by him again but the same thing happened, and Kenny is pushed through an boarded up window. He rolled over to the wall.

"What the hell is going on?" Kenny gasped as he rubbed his head. He reached into his pocket where Evil Kenny tried to slice him, and pulled out a penny, his lucky penny he picked up in South Park. "Is this what kept me alive?" He put the penny back in his pocket, but then he felt something else in his other pocket. Another penny, but it felt different. Almost…evil? Just then Evil Kenny warped next to him.

"Why won't you die?" Evil Kenny screeched. Kenny managed to get up when Evil Kenny tried to kill Kenny, but hit the lucky penny again. Kenny was pushed out the window, and Evil Kenny hit the wall. "Damnit! That does it! He's gonna die now!!" Kenny accidently let go of the other penny. He rolled on the snow, then was on his feet, skating through the snow because of explosion push through the window. He felt his penny he let go before hit his forehead. When he finally stopped, he fell face first into the snow. Evil Kenny warped in front of him.

"I don't know how you keep surviving my attacks without using your powers," Evil Kenny bellowed. "But to tell you the truth, I…don't…care! Say goodb-" Just then someone jump kicked Evil Kenny. Evil Kenny went spinning through the air, and into a larged pile of snow. Kenny looked up and saw his hero. He looked like someone he knew, but he wasn't wearing a tinfoil helmet.

"Not so fast darkest of evils!" Kenny's hero said. "I will not let the innocent perish by yours, or anyone's hands! Or my name isn't, Chaotic, the greatest superhero ever!" He turned around. "You okay?" And then Kenny recognized him.

"Evil Butters?" he said. Chaotic looked just like Professor Chaos, but he didn't wear that tinfoil helmet, and had a big C on his chest.

"Chaotic!" Evil Kenny shouted. "I won't let you get in my way any longer!

"Bring it!" Chaotic yelled. The 2 ran towards each other for a battle Kenny didn't know why was happening.

* * *

"Is he the one?" An angel asked.

"Yes," God sighed. "He is the one who betray Kenny."

"He seemed so nice, so good…"

"Most betrayers do…the sad part is that he doesn't want to betray him now… and when that happens, Kenny will need _his _help?"

"You mean the one who betrays him?"

"No...but if you wanted to really know, just look up at the stars."

It could've been seen in both worlds. The stars formed what looked like…Eric Cartman.


	3. World's Clash

Police swarmed the hospital. People were being rushed by officers everywhere. Token, Craig, Bebe, Jimmy, and Wendy walked up to Kenny's mom.

"What's going on?" Wendy asked.

"Kenny died, but came back to life to find Cartman who took Kenny's winning lottery ticket. And then Stan and Kyle ran after them." Kenny's mom explained. The night really was becoming stormy. Kenny's mom looked up. "I'm afraid that the boys have really put themselves in trouble this time."

"This time?" Craig asked. There was a pause of silence. "The guys are once again putting themselves in danger again, and _now_ you're worried?"

"Craig don't start this again." Bebe said coldly.

"I'm just saying, weren't you worried when we were stuck on a cliff? Or when we went to Peru with those giant guinea pigs running all over the place? Or-"

"Craig I'm sure she's cared for us all those times." Wendy said rolling her eyes. "Now which way did they go?"

"Down that way to The Indian Burial Ground Pet Store." Kenny's mom said.

Token, Bebe, Wendy, and Jimmy started to walk in that direction, and then they stopped to ask Craig if he was coming too.

"No." Craig said bluntly.

"N-n-no?" Jimmy repeated.

"I'm not going to get into another stupid situation that'll just get worse and worse." Craig said bluntly. "Besides I promised myself I'd never help them again."

Wendy and Bebe looked at each other. Bebe sighed.

"Please Craig," she begged putting on a baby face. "If you do, I'll give you anything!"

Craig smiled. "Anything huh?"

"But even if you guys get there, you'll be in real danger!" Kenny's mom warned.

"She's right, Craig. I think we both need to get something first." Token said. Craig smiled.

When Token and Craig walked up to The Indian Burial Ground Pet Store, Wendy, Jimmy, and Bebe were already there.

"Oh shit," Wendy said. "You went to bring those?"

"You bet." Token said. Craig held the sword he bought at the pawnshop, and Token held the nunchaku he bought, and the nunchaku he stole from Kyle's house. "Kyle will thank me once I save his life." The children stepped inside the pet store and opened the door to the portal.

"Ready," Wendy said.

"Set," Bebe said.

"G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-" Jimmy stammered.

"GO!!!!!!" Craig yelled. They all jumped into the portal. But it was what jumped out that was terrifying. Evil Craig with a samurai sword, Evil Bebe, Evil Wendy (who hated Stan), Evil Jimmy (who wasn't disabled, and is buff), and Evil Token (who was white) with the 2 nunchaku in his hands.

"Get ready to tremble South Park," Evil Bebe growled. "GET READY!!!!!!!!!"

"Bebe!!" Evil Wendy screamed. "Shut the fuck up! I'm tired of your shit! Always screaming at things you're about to conquer, which you couldn't do if _we_ weren't here!"

"Aw shut the fuck up Wendy, you sad piece of crap. You're just jealous cause Stan likes me and dropped you." Evil Bebe spat. Evil Wendy gasped, "You-you take it back!"

"Just because it's true?" Evil Bebe countered.

"Well…I'm over Stan anyway."

"Liar,"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Why do you two always have to fight every time you guys are partnered up?" Evil Jimmy demanded. "I'm always partnered up with bitches."

"Bitches huh?" Evil Wendy and Evil Bebe challenged. "Wanna repeat that shit again?"

"Now come on you guys," Evil Craig said. "We have to get along if we want to complete this mission."

"Aw shut up Craig." Evil Jimmy spat. "Everyone knows you just came here to get close to Bebe." Evil Bebe blushed and began to smile.

"No I didn't goddamnit!" Evil Craig protested just like Cartman would.

"Leave him alone Jimmy," Evil Token said. "Why do you always have to start fights?"

"Why do you always have to interfere?" Evil Jimmy challenged. Evil Craig sighed.

"Yeah, what are you, his bodyguard?" Evil Wendy said sourly. Evil Craig began to walk towards South Park.

"Its called having a friend, you prostitute!" Evil Token defended.

"Hey Craig, where are you going?" Evil Bebe asked.

"Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman said that this world was the opposite version of our world right?" Evil Craig said.

"Yeah so?" Evil Wendy said.

"That means 3 things: 1, in this world, Clyde is my friend, not enemy; 2, in this world, Cartman's a total dick; and 3, we might be able to recruit someone in our world takeover." Evil Craig explained.

"What? Who?" Evil Jimmy asked. Evil Craig smiled…well…evilly.

"He is already here, hiding behind a tree." Evil Craig answered. In the blink of an eye, Evil Craig sliced a tree, and it fell to the ground with a loud thud. Amazed by what happened, Butters stood there, frozen in place. Bringing the blade close to Butters' head, Evil Craig said, "Hello…Professor Chaos."

* * *

Cartman arrived at Madison Square Garden. He ran into the crowd of people waiting the concert. He snuck backstage and saw them. Evil Stan, and Evil Kyle were looking at Evil Cartman crying over Evil Kenny's ashes.

"Hey you guys," Cartman said. "Long time no see!"

"Oh yeah, other Cartman." Evil Stan said without looking at him.

"What's Evil Cartman doing?" Cartman asked.

"Crying over the ashes of Kenny." Evil Kyle answered not looking at him either.

"What?" Cartman said. He looked at the ashes. "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"

"I know right?" Evil Kyle said. "Who cares?" Evil Cartman stopped crying enough to see Cartman.

"Cartman?" Evil Cartman sniffled. "From the other universe?" He began to slowly walk towards him. "It's so nice to-" Suddenly Evil Cartman lashed out at Cartman. With Cartman being taken by surprise, he was on the floor being choked by his "evil" double. Evil Cartman then began kicking the choking Cartman in the stomach, taking out the remaining air Cartman had.

"Dude, calm down!" Evil Stan yelled as he pulled Evil Cartman off Cartman. Cartman gasped for breath as Evil Cartman snarled at him, and thrashed around in Evil Stan's grip.

"Dude!" Evil Kyle demanded when Evil Cartman calmed down.

"I hate evil Cartman!" Evil Cartman yelled.

"Hey, you're the evil one!" Cartman snapped. Just then a man came into the room.

"Uh, hurry up fellas," he said. "You're on in 10 minutes." A boy came in as well.

"What?" he demanded. "My clients demand at least an hour longer before the show!"

"Isn't that Starvin' Marvin?" Cartman asked.

"Maybe in your world," Evil Kyle said. "But in our world, he's Music Agent Alvin. He used to be a starving kid in Australia, but we accidentally got him here instead of kangaroo, and he's been part of the group ever since, and our agent."

"No way kid," the man argued. "There's just too many people and they can't wait any longer!"

"But-" Evil Cartman and Evil Stan began.

"No buts guys. You have to do the show, now." The guy said. And with that, he left.

"Aw, great!" Evil Stan whined. "Now what are we going to do?"

"We have to do the show dude." Evil Kyle said. "And without Kenny, we'll look like idiots."

"No we won't." Evil Cartman said.

"Listen, you fat fuck," Evil Kyle snapped. "The only reason our 4 man boy band worked, was because of the Jonas Brothers. Doing a 3 man boy band isn't a good idea because we'll just be labeled as Jonas Brothers wannabes."

_God he sure talks like Kyle from my universe,_ Cartman thought. _Wait a second, I have an idea!_

"Hey, why don't you guys just let me perform? Then you have 4 people and you can get paid." Cartman suggested.

"In your dreams dick wad," Evil Cartman said folding his arms. "There's no way my friends are gonna let _you_ join our band. Because my friends might be mean sometimes, but there's a different from being mean and you, Cartman. And they know how much I cherish them, and you don't give a shit." Evil Stan and Evil Kyle looked at each other, as Evil Cartman went on, "And even though we might look gay in front of the entire world and be labeled Jonas Brother wannabes and lose millions, we'll be less wealthy gay Jonas Brother wannabes, together. We've been through a lot Cartman so-"

"You're in," Evil Kyle said.

"Yeah-wait, what?" Evil Cartman said.

"We need Cartman, Cartman it's the only way," Evil Kyle said.

"But you guys," Evil Cartman whined.

"Thanks you guys," Cartman said putting his arm around Evil Cartman. "I'd love to help you guys…for 30% of all your pay."

"What?" Evil Stan cried.

"Don't worry dude," Evil Kyle said. "It's just 30%, we're rich, why should we care?" Music Agent Alvin did the calculations, and showed Evil Calvin what 30% of their pay really was. "Holy shit!" The man from before came back in. He said, "You're on in 10…9…8…"

"Ok, you get 30%. Just hurry up!" Evil Stan said.

"Sweet," Cartman said.

* * *

The Pee Pee Train arrived to the concert.

"Thanks for the ride Mr. Flush Flush." Stan said as he and Kyle got out of the train.

"You're welcome you guys." Mr. Flush Flush said. "I'll just wait outside and give you the ride back." Stan and Kyle snuck past the place where you buy the tickets, and pushed through the crowd looking for Cartman.

"Ladies and gentleman," a voice boomed. "I present to you, FINGERBANG!!!" Steam went up on the stage.

"Fingerbang," Boys sang. "Bang, bang." The steam rolled down to the boys feet. Evil Stan, Evil Kyle, Cartman, and Evil Cartman were singing and dancing.

"Cartman joined the band?" Kyle asked.

"Looks like it," Stan said. "Let's go kick his ass." So the 2 heroes of the story pushed through the crowd to one of the greatest villains ever.

* * *

Meanwhile Kenny was watching another hero fight another great villain. Chaotic did a flying kick, right into Evil Kenny's face. He began to continuously punch Evil Kenny. Suddenly the ground rumbled, and darkness poured from the back of Chaotic. Then all at once, it stopped. Chaotic fell, with a giant hole in him. Kenny ran towards him crying, "BUTTERS!!!!!!!" Kenny fell to his knees at Chaotic's side.

"K-K-Kenny," Chaotic coughed. "Tell my dad…he's—ngh-he's,"

"Yes?" Kenny muffled.

"Grounded," Chaotic choked out right before he died.

"Butters!" Kenny cried. "Butters…even though you're evil…you saved me…Butters…" He cried over Chaotic's dead body.

"And now it's your turn," Evil Kenny muffled. Suddenly, steam rose from around Kenny. A circle of light appeared under him.

"Kenny," a voice called. Kenny looked up and saw Jesus. They were both in a dark place. "Kenny, this is the one my father warned you about. Only you can defeat him, and bring back your friend. You have all my powers, which means you have the powers of God."

"But I don't know how to use them," Kenny muffled.

"Use your imagination, Kenny," Jesus said wisely. "Imagine it, and it will be." He held a sword in his hands. "Take the Sword of Angels to combat Death's Scythe of Souls." Kenny held the sword in his hand and closed his eyes. He reopened them with Evil Kenny right about to slice his head off. He met his weapon with his own. Kenny slowly got up with his sword still against the scythe. As he rose the scythe got further and further away from his head.

"I'll never forgive you," Kenny growled. He looked into Evil Kenny's eyes with anger. Evil Kenny's eyes widened, and the next thing he knew, Kenny was behind him with his arm outstretched with the sword in his hand, and Evil Kenny had been sliced in half, with the top half going up into the air. But then, the top half reconnected with the bottom half, and put back together as if they were never cut.

"What the hell?" Evil Kenny muffled. "That really fucking hurt!" Kenny cursed. _I guess he has all the powers of the devil,_ Kenny thought. _This'll be a little harder, but I have the powers of God on my side. _Kenny backflipped and slammed his sword into the side of Evil Kenny's scythe when Evil Kenny shielded himself. Evil Kenny threw Kenny back when he waved his scythe like a giant fan. Kenny stopped in midair.

"Cool, I can fly." Kenny muffled. Evil Kenny began to float.

"So can I," he muffled with and evil smile. Kenny glared at him. The 2 warriors flew at each other with great speed, clashing their blades with each other many times. Finally, Kenny spun into a ball with his sword hitting the scythe many times, and he flipped over him, with his sword in the air. Kenny landed with his face away from Evil Kenny. But he quickly turned around, and Evil Kenny was flying at him at amazing speeds. But an arm grew from Kenny's back and caught his sword, and clashed it with Evil Kenny's scythe again. The blades once again clashed many times. _This isn't good, _Kenny thought. _I need to get him off guard and finish him._ And suddenly there was a squishing sound, and then Evil Kenny began to glow white from every hole in his body. And all at once, he exploded. Kenny turned around to see Craig with his sword. In fact the entire rescue team is there. Kenny smiled.

"Thanks you guys, you came just in time." He muffled.

"Where is everyone?" Bebe asked. A flyer brushed Kenny's legs. Kenny grabbed it, and muffled, "I have an idea where they might be," And then he looked at everyone. "But it _may_ be a long drive."


End file.
